Do you remember the song by Beatles?

“….I’ll buy you a diamond ring my friend if it makes you feel alright,
I’ll get you anything my friend if it makes you feel alright
‘Cause I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love”.

Are you in love but torn by money? You must be having tip offs with your better half? Love often seems to be attacked by the terrible money syndrome. Money is a sweet sensation and can buy anything material. But can it buy love for you? Know those vital tell-tale signs and let love reign in your hearts.

• Vital sign 1: For couples, money and sex are the only reasons for stress and estrangement. For those who have tied the knot, one person is in charge of the finances and the other one has no knowledge of the money being spent. At the end of the month, when it is time for a review, couples end up accusing each other for overspending. So as a first step, start sharing everything including money matters. Stop escaping from your responsibilities and instead of blaming each other, sort out ways to pull back the reigns of your household expenses. This will reduce arguments.
• Vital sign 2: The most common rift that takes place is due to different spending habits of two people in love. This is natural. Two individuals hail from different backgrounds and may have different spending habits. Only love is the common factor that binds them. It can be so that while you are enjoying a weekend golf, your partner is busy making efforts to consolidate debts to pay off arrears that you both have incurred. So in that case, the one who is enjoying golf must rush to support the other one in paying off debts. You need to sit together and sort out your priorities when it comes to expenditure. Talk it out. Help your partner to clear debts rather than piling them up.
• Vital sign 3: Most couples suffer from the very common “why” syndrome. For every little thing that they do or want to do, they ask each other “why”. It may be so that the lady might want to have a nice haircut at a posh salon but the man might ask “why”. At the same time the man might want to have a drink with his colleagues and the lady might ask “why”. From this stems up another tassel. So why keep a space for this irritating “why”? When you both are planning a household budget to regulate your expenses, make sure you keep aside some amount for both of you separately. If you want you can spend independently without having to give any explanation for your desires. It is important for you to understand that people may have different demands. Respect and love each other just the way you are. Ruth Hayden, author of “For Richer, Not Poorer: The Money Book for Couples,” thinks that the right choice is to avoid conflict by keeping some accounts separate. His idea echoes, “You should have some autonomy money, I should have some autonomy money, and we need to learn how to practice being a couple together with our money.”
• Vital sign 4: The most challenging situation for a married couple comes when they have to deal with a monetary crisis. No matter how much you try to control your spending, life is unpredictable. There can be a rush hour when you might have to pay for high medical or maternity charges, car repair, mortgage and many other unanticipated situations. But why so? How can money take over your love? Start maintaining an emergency fund. So both of you can decide how much you can contribute. Make sure this amount is directly proportionate to your respective income.
• Vital sign 5: Are you throwing tantrums at each other regarding a big purchase? If you are thinking about buying something big such as a house or a car, first check the agreement level. It can be that you want your partner to contribute whereas he/she cannot. So why not give some time? Postpone the idea and let the other person settle down with finances.
• Vital sign 6: If you are in love, you must be honest with each other. Lack of integrity is another vital sign that leads to a financial crisis followed by a charged up emotional battlefield. Credit cards are one of the most used financial accessories. Whenever you go for shopping, you usually swipe cards. But are you swiping your partner’s card without his/her knowledge? Stop doing this. Even if you are spending, let your partner know about this. It happens that you keep on swiping cards and at the end of the month when your partner discovers this, it is kind of shocking. This instantly makes way for a big challenge. If you feel you cannot control your temptations, start communicating. Don’t let your partner get disillusioned. It is important to be transparent. Divulge all that you are doing so that nothing is hidden between you two.
• Vital sign 7: Couples suffer from another complex-“I am right”. Usually the one who earns more tries to gain an upper hand. So any kind of advice from the one who earns less gets unheard. If you want to be happy, be a good listener. It is very important that you start respecting each other’s views. Since you earn more, it is not necessary that you are making the right decision. Your partner may have a strong say since you both are connected by love. Discuss problems and sort out solutions that would ensure your conjugal well being.

Well known therapist and author of “Overcoming Overspending: A Winning Plan for Spenders and Their Partners’, Olivia Mellan says, “people with different spending attitudes tend to “polarize” when they become a couple”. So the basic idea is to give a conscious effort towards a mutual consonance. If you think digging your head in the sand will drive away your problems, you are not thinking it right. Take the initiative to ward off these issues. Now you know a few vital signs. What next? Act on it. Knowledge is power but actions always speak louder than words as the adage goes. Realize the priority of love over money and don’t let money ruin your happiness.

By the way, I am sure that you can add more vital signs to the list. Why don’t you add it in the list or ask your friend to do so! And don’t forget to keep this blog post open in your partner’s laptop.

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Yesterday I had a bit of a scare. Some people rather important to me left my apartment in a car, and we’d had a big snowstorm this weekend. I didn’t know how good the roads were, and when I called them to ask about something trivial a few minutes later, none of them answered their cell phones. I started to panic and dire scenarios rushed through my head.

Finally one of them picked up his phone, and everything was fine – they just had their phones on silent or out of reach! But during my panic when my imagination was running wild, I realized I didn’t have emergency contact numbers for any of them, and they were the people I would call to get those numbers for each other!

I have a paper address book with all of my emergency contacts in it somewhere, but I don’t know where it is, and I know it’s terribly out of date. After my little panic attack this morning, I’m planning to update it. But emergencies aren’t the only reason you ought to have a paper backup of your numbers.

Your phone might break. If you’re relying on your cell phone to store all of the numbers you call, you might encounter a rude awakening at some point. I did, my sophomore year of college. The screen on my cell phone busted, leaving me without the internal address book, caller ID, or text messaging.

I suddenly realized how many people I called daily without knowing their phone numbers! I had to spend that week making a paper backup that I carried in my wallet just to make phone calls. I still have that same piece of paper in my wallet now, just in case.

Backups of backups. Since the invention of the annoying “I lost my phone and need all of your phone numbers!” Facebook group, cell phone companies realized that backing up contact lists was important. But even an electronic backup can fail, or not be accessible when you need it. For some of them, this is as simple as printing out the electronic backup list every so often.

Addresses. I don’t know about you, but I’ve got a lot of people’s phone numbers… but not so many physical addresses on file. Every time I need to mail something to a friend or family member, I have to hunt down their address through Facebook, a mutual friend, or asking the person directly.

Emergencies. Feel free to run through the nightmare scenarios in your head yourself – I’ve hit my quota of those this week already! Basically, relying solely on electronic information storage can be really bad if the power is out when you need that information most.

Address books are cheap – most dollar stores have them, or you could print your own sheets and just use a binder you have laying around. But here’s my big tip for keeping a paper address book: Write in pencil. People change addresses and phone numbers all the time, so instead of crossing things out or keeping the White-Out companies in business by yourself, just write in pencil so you can change it later.

Related posts:

1. Get a Cross-Cut Paper Shredder [National Protect Your Identity Week]
2. State of the War Address

Unexpected charges on your cable bill, phone bill, or bank statement is enough to ruin your day. Put yourself in a relationship and an extra $50 can be the start of an argument leading to anger, hurt feelings and resentment.

Money and relationships are a combustible pair. There is a reason that people cite money differences as the greatest cause of their divorce. Each situation is different. Two people can be very compatible, yet differ in their spending and saving philosophies and everything can go south.

Whether you are in a new relationship or an old relationship, the topic of money is bound to come up several times. In the beginning, it may be about who is going to pay for dinner on a consistent basis, or if you two should go dutch.

As things progress, one of the two of you may want to go on a vacation. However, if the other can’t afford it, an argument may ensue. The problem only gets worse as partners start discussing living together. Things come up like:

• Who should pay the greater share of the rent?
• Should rent be split down the middle?
• What about the utilities?
• Why am I paying half the utilities if you’re going to take a 30 minute shower?
• Should I have to pay half the grocery bill if you are going to buy expensive items?

It’s almost impossible to avoid all of these questions that relate to our relationships and finances. What you CAN do is tackle these issues head on. Here are some methods to make sure tempers don’t flare up when you approach financial questions:

• Be Constructive – When talking to your partner about finances, be constructive. Try not to play the blame game. Use the situation as a means of furthering the relationship. “Each time you overdraft your checking account it’s the same cost as two or three drinks we each could have the next time we go out.”
• Be Open – Be willing to listen to what your partner has to say. If you become defensive you may miss their concerns that may very well be legitimate. What they say may be the best for the relationship even if it may seem to be a personal assault on you. Furthermore, brainstorming creative ideas about how to spend your time together can be a healthy thing for the relationship. Some ideas that come out of these discussions could end up saving a lot of money.
• Show Some Empathy – Each partner is going to bring a different perspective and past experiences into the conversation. Be willing to listen to what they say and try your best to see things from their shoes.
• Be Clear – If you have legitimate complaints, don’t beat around the bush. Be tactful and clear. If it’s a cut or dry issue for you, make sure your partner knows how important it is to you.
• Don’t Make Faces – When your significant other says they like to spend hundreds of dollars a year on comic books (like me), don’t make a face! Your body language is important when having these serious conversations. Try to be as serious and as compassionate as possible. It may be best to talk about money while sitting at a table as opposed to the couch, or while both of you are maneuvering around the kitchen while cooking dinner.
• Be Willing to Renegotiate – Your financial situation will change over the course of a relationship and so will your partners. Be prepared to readdress some of these issues or prepare for new issues. Some things that may come up over the course of a relationship could be moving to a new location, or purchasing a pet.

How do approach these topics with your significant other to prevent both of you getting angry at one another? Are there methods you try to keep both of you calm?

For further reading of the Spectrum of Personal Finance Event, please see:

To view a recap of the event, check out the Spectrum Roundup at My Next Buck

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As a small child, I was exceedingly shy. I refused to even order food at the counter of a fast food restaurant. I couldn’t tell you what exactly I was afraid of, but even with a parent at my side, I clammed up around most adults and strangers. My parents weren’t going to let that lie, though. Years of forced food-ordering and social interactions eventually cured me of my shyness.

Except, it seemed, when it came to talking to people on the telephone. By high school, it was obvious that my shyness’ last stronghold was on the telephone. I wouldn’t call my friends unless I knew their whole family really well, for fear that a strange family member would pick up the phone. I would only order pizza from one shop, because I knew nearly everyone who worked there – even though I had no trouble walking into a strange pizza place and ordering at the counter!

This actually became less of a problem in college, but that was simply due to technology. Cell phones and text messaging meant I could call someone and be reasonably sure that they would be the one to answer. Or I could just send a text message and not have to worry about it at all. Rounding up the group for dinner at the dining hall was just a matter of a flurry of Instant Messages and texts: “6pm. Giant sundial. Meet us there or eat alone!”

When I started reading personal finance blogs in 2006, I noticed something quite peculiar: there are a lot of people like me. People who would negotiate down their bank fees, if only they weren’t terrified of the telephone. We’d call up a discount brokerage firm and ask about investing options, but we hate the phone! So many of our financial problems could be cured with one phone call, but we won’t do it. We could get the ball rolling, if only we could find the courage to dial a number…

Check out this old post from I Will Teach You To Be Rich: Some comments from last week. The mere mention of making phone calls brought out a chorus of cries from people like us:

“I really don’t like using the telephone. really, really stressful.”
“For many people, for a variety of reasons, placing or receiving a phone call is one of the most stressful activities they may encounter in a typical day.”
”That telephone illness is really sad. I suffer it myself, and I find it difficult to order a pizza.”
”I have a phone phobia too…”

I’m not so weird, after all! But this “phone paralysis” is terribly destructive. I can point to specific examples in my past where it has cost me money, jobs… even GPA points. And those are just the quantifiable costs – there’s also the emotional and societal costs of not being able to connect with people through one of the most common communication mediums.

But like I said, I’m largely cured these days. And my transformation is anything but miraculous. Rather, it’s been a series of careful, deliberate steps:

1. I grew up. I’ll say it before anyone else does and accuses me of ignoring it. A part of my cure has come simply from maturity. I know that’s not very helpful to the adult sufferers reading this, but if you’re a teenager, you can take comfort in the fact that it might get better with age.
2. I took a job that forced me to make phone calls. I was a hostess at a restaurant, and I needed to call up strangers who had reservations to confirm. At first, I thought I was going to throw up because of it. But, I found a way to make it better, in my mind. I realized that I wasn’t calling on behalf of myself, but rather on behalf of the restaurant. There was something very soothing about the fact that it wasn’t really me calling, it was the restaurant. It wasn’t any skin off my back if the person on the other end got mad at me – they wouldn’t even know my name! There wasn’t much of a chance of someone getting mad at me while confirming their restaurant reservation, anyway.
3. I made a lot of little calls that didn’t matter much. It’s tough to make an important phone call with phone phobia. Not only is the call important, but you know that you’re bad at phone calls, so you feel like your chances of failure are even higher. You really need to find a way to practice with less important phone calls, before something important comes along. My trick was calling to inquire about the hours a business was open. Find the number, call it, and just say “Hi! I was wondering how late you guys are open tonight?” After they tell you, thank them and hang up. Two lines, easy-peasy.
4. I kept practicing. Even now, I still do. Whenever my roommates wanted to order pizza, even if I wasn’t going to chip in and eat any of it, I’d offer to make the phone call. Just to get the practice in. This was really helpful in a lot of ways. First of all, it was that “It’s not really me calling, I’m calling on behalf of someone else” thing again. Secondly, knowing my roommates were depending on me to call in the order forced me to actually do it, and do it right away – instead of sitting around debating and talking myself out of it.
5. Before making an important phone call, I think about previous successful phone calls. It’s really easy to psych yourself out by thinking of failures, or of what “could happen” (in a negative way). I had to actively force myself to remember good phone calls that I made, and think of the positive outcome that I wanted to achieve from the call at hand.

I’m not perfect. I still procrastinate on some big phone calls, and I still manage to psych myself out know and then. But, I’m doing a lot better than I used to. My secret weapon when all else fails? I try to get the person to call me, rather than me calling them. Because I’m pretty good about answering my phone, at least!

Do you suffer from phone phobia?

Related posts:

1. 5 Mistakes I Didn’t Repeat When Buying My Cell Phone
2. 5 Mistakes I Made When Buying My Cell Phone
3. Review: The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom