Do you remember the song by Beatles?
“….I’ll buy you a diamond ring my friend if it makes you feel alright,
I’ll get you anything my friend if it makes you feel alright
‘Cause I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love”.
Are you in love but torn by money? You must be having tip offs with your better half? Love often seems to be attacked by the terrible money syndrome. Money is a sweet sensation and can buy anything material. But can it buy love for you? Know those vital tell-tale signs and let love reign in your hearts.
- Vital sign 1: For couples, money and sex are the only reasons for stress and estrangement. For those who have tied the knot, one person is in charge of the finances and the other one has no knowledge of the money being spent. At the end of the month, when it is time for a review, couples end up accusing each other for overspending. So as a first step, start sharing everything including money matters. Stop escaping from your responsibilities and instead of blaming each other, sort out ways to pull back the reigns of your household expenses. This will reduce arguments.
- Vital sign 2: The most common rift that takes place is due to different spending habits of two people in love. This is natural. Two individuals hail from different backgrounds and may have different spending habits. Only love is the common factor that binds them. It can be so that while you are enjoying a weekend golf, your partner is busy making efforts to consolidate debts to pay off arrears that you both have incurred. So in that case, the one who is enjoying golf must rush to support the other one in paying off debts. You need to sit together and sort out your priorities when it comes to expenditure. Talk it out. Help your partner to clear debts rather than piling them up.
- Vital sign 3: Most couples suffer from the very common “why” syndrome. For every little thing that they do or want to do, they ask each other “why”. It may be so that the lady might want to have a nice haircut at a posh salon but the man might ask “why”. At the same time the man might want to have a drink with his colleagues and the lady might ask “why”. From this stems up another tassel. So why keep a space for this irritating “why”? When you both are planning a household budget to regulate your expenses, make sure you keep aside some amount for both of you separately. If you want you can spend independently without having to give any explanation for your desires. It is important for you to understand that people may have different demands. Respect and love each other just the way you are. Ruth Hayden, author of “For Richer, Not Poorer: The Money Book for Couples,” thinks that the right choice is to avoid conflict by keeping some accounts separate. His idea echoes, “You should have some autonomy money, I should have some autonomy money, and we need to learn how to practice being a couple together with our money.”
- Vital sign 4: The most challenging situation for a married couple comes when they have to deal with a monetary crisis. No matter how much you try to control your spending, life is unpredictable. There can be a rush hour when you might have to pay for high medical or maternity charges, car repair, mortgage and many other unanticipated situations. But why so? How can money take over your love? Start maintaining an emergency fund. So both of you can decide how much you can contribute. Make sure this amount is directly proportionate to your respective income.
- Vital sign 5: Are you throwing tantrums at each other regarding a big purchase? If you are thinking about buying something big such as a house or a car, first check the agreement level. It can be that you want your partner to contribute whereas he/she cannot. So why not give some time? Postpone the idea and let the other person settle down with finances.
- Vital sign 6: If you are in love, you must be honest with each other. Lack of integrity is another vital sign that leads to a financial crisis followed by a charged up emotional battlefield. Credit cards are one of the most used financial accessories. Whenever you go for shopping, you usually swipe cards. But are you swiping your partner’s card without his/her knowledge? Stop doing this. Even if you are spending, let your partner know about this. It happens that you keep on swiping cards and at the end of the month when your partner discovers this, it is kind of shocking. This instantly makes way for a big challenge. If you feel you cannot control your temptations, start communicating. Don’t let your partner get disillusioned. It is important to be transparent. Divulge all that you are doing so that nothing is hidden between you two.
- Vital sign 7: Couples suffer from another complex-“I am right”. Usually the one who earns more tries to gain an upper hand. So any kind of advice from the one who earns less gets unheard. If you want to be happy, be a good listener. It is very important that you start respecting each other’s views. Since you earn more, it is not necessary that you are making the right decision. Your partner may have a strong say since you both are connected by love. Discuss problems and sort out solutions that would ensure your conjugal well being.
Well known therapist and author of “Overcoming Overspending: A Winning Plan for Spenders and Their Partners’, Olivia Mellan says, “people with different spending attitudes tend to “polarize” when they become a couple”. So the basic idea is to give a conscious effort towards a mutual consonance. If you think digging your head in the sand will drive away your problems, you are not thinking it right. Take the initiative to ward off these issues. Now you know a few vital signs. What next? Act on it. Knowledge is power but actions always speak louder than words as the adage goes. Realize the priority of love over money and don’t let money ruin your happiness.
By the way, I am sure that you can add more vital signs to the list. Why don’t you add it in the list or ask your friend to do so! And don’t forget to keep this blog post open in your partner’s laptop.
A strong marriage will be made up of two compatible people. Before getting married they should be sure there is compatibility in all the important areas of which money management is one.
I remember a counselor at summer camp once telling me to ask my girlfriend’s dad’s permission to see her room prior to asking her to marry me. His opinion was that would allow me to see what kind of housekeeper she would be!
Maybe both people in a relationship should do that with each others finances before making a lifetime commitment!
sigh… sounds like my parents…
Student Money says
Money can certainly buy love. Anyone not seen the 80yr old hollywood men with 30yr old fake boobed girls hanging off their arms?
I think you got 7 good suggestions here. One tip I would add is “agree on goals”….both partners need to identify their financial goals….agreement on goals can be powerful.
Debt Management UK says
@Student Money, I think that is not a truly love. It’s kind of someone working their work to get/stay with money. 🙂
@Ken, I agree with you. The “agree on goals” from both part are really important. Like my parent, they have money but they always fighting because they have different ideas about money.
Yah that’s right money can’t buy love. Actually, love can’t be bought by any material things including money. For couple to work in love, they must rejoice in the truth – share money, whether they have it or they don’t have it. Through thick and thin, remember that.
I too agree that money can’t buy you love but at times you can very well make people happy with the money you have got!!!
MBA Lady says
You know, money can’t buy you happiness but can help to do without it 🙂
I don’t think I will break with my boyfriend if he has no money but honestly speaking it’s really pleasant when he makes me expensive presents or invites to cool parties.
Cracking Finance says
Money is always involved in everything. Even love.
I would almost agree with you about what causes stress. But I think you need to add children, especially teenagers. :O)
The key is to talk about finances and anything else in your lives that is causing angst. Couples need to talk and understand each other. Talking is the key to alleviating stress (and sex :O) )
Those are indeed the two most stressful factors in a relationship…I know first hand unfortunately.
I’ve always kept my finances independent and I’m glad I did! I think the most important thing though is that is a partner has serious money problems, out of control spending etc, it can put a strain on any relationship.
Rafall - Relationship Advice for All says
Money is a very important thing to discuss between couple. But it is only the thing that many couples feel too awkward to talk about. Too bad, because without a mutual agreement about how money should be managed, sooner or later every relationship will face hard times because of money.
The “why” syndrome very common. That’s why it is very important to have some money set aside that is strictly for leisure and personal hobbies and preferences. Without this in the budget, we would all get overwhelmed and feel like all we do is work, work, and work some more. That would be exhausting to our morale.
Get a good women that knows how to handle money and then let her take care of the money side of things and you wont go fare wrong, mind you make sure she love’s you first. (0:
Of course, money is important, but money can’t buy love. And I agree with Ken that it is important to identify financial goals.
Teamwork matters, and don’t fight over money.
avoimet tyÃ¶paikat says
Fantastic suggestion!That’s really a great topic to discus.For marriage first thing which is important is agreements between them and independence of each other.Thanks for the info.
Ron Power says
You certainly have nailed a number of the “vital signs”. I wish I had know some of this stuff when I was younger.
Good article. I will be experiencing a few of these issues as well..